"That's how I remember how he was."

'An Encounter With Love From The Past'

It was July 8, 2003, in a nearby town. A Tuesday afternoon. We had agreed to meet at 3 o'clock. I had been killing time by going around the few shops in the small village and now was waiting at our meetingpoint. Getting a bit nervous.
I looked at all the cars and the drivers while I was waiting. So many. Several stopped and went off again, I had no idea what she would look like. But when she pulled up, I knew instantly that this was her.

She saw me and smiled, I smiled back & I knew I had been right. This was her. Kirstie.

We drove off to her place, a big farm, where I was greeted by several dogs as soon as I got out of the car. They had many animals, she said, including horses. When we came inside, we went into the kitchen and she easily commanded the dogs to go outside. I got my chance to take a look at her. Strong woman. Used to hard work.

She offered me some tea and we sat down at the kitchentable. Requiring eyes behind well-shaped modern glasses.
A fair-haired lady with very vivid eyes. But something of known sorrow and pain in them as well, someone knowing about life. A penetrating, but understanding look. Quite a pretty appearance. Kind, lively and warm. Soft vibrating energy when she spoke, silent presence when she listened. She must be up to her 50's now, thinking of the years when they all knew each other. I felt a good connection with her. Having met her, I can absolutely understand why Nick would have liked and trusted her.

We spoke about several things, among which also some of our own and our present lifes. About her kids. She has 5 now...
She was ever so kind, serious at times and smiling at other moments. She said; "I still feel something inside of me turn when I see a picture of him." Memories... I said I'd better not show her all the things I had brought along then, but she said; "Oh no! I'd love to see!"

Watching the article in Mojo 39, at seeing the 'running man' picture, she notes; "Yes, that was Nick, absolutely. That's how I remember how he was." When looking at the picture which is the same as on the cover of 'Five Leaves Lefts' she says; "That was how he dressed. So did the other friends. They all did. Jacket, Moccasins & big belt, it was the fashion of those days."

She knew him ever since they all were 5 years old. There was a steady group throughout the years. She told about them all playing outside the school, by the big tree, just average kids, having fun. There was a place near the school, where all the kids used to swim, always naked, except for when it was the day the parents would come by.

While growing up, when not being at college, they often would be back & they'd all meet up several times through the years.

She and Nick would have a relation later on (when about 17) that lasted 3 years. It was a good relation she said. She described Nick as having a romantic view on love & they spend their times together as most teen-age lovers do. She remembers sitting on his knee, for she was not so big, he had his arms around her and he would play the guitar that way.

Other than that, she did not so too much of course, because with all reason and very understandable, she said; "It was of course a fairly private relation." As all relations are. Their business, not ours. But I am however already grateful with what she did want to share...

I told her many girls even now-a-days find him very attractive. She understands of course. "I always found him handsome in a pretty sort of way..." I definately agree.. When I said that people thought he might have been gay, she understood why they would think that, but she disagreed, of course. She said; "He was not gay, for sure, maybe, who knows, he could have been bi-sexual, many people are after all." I stated I thought all people are, but some just go more to one or the other side. She agreed on that. She tilted her head a bit aside & downwards, looking down in an unseen distance and she smiled. "No," she said. "He was definately not gay." And that smile told me more than words ever could.

After the relation they kept being friends. Later on she would get into a relation with opne of the other friends in the group, David. By the time Nick retreated to his home in Tanworth, they were already married and had their first child; Joe.
Nick continued seeing them inbetween being away from Tanworth and after retreating to Far Leys. "Nick said he felt a special connection with Joe. And we could see that. There was a certain silent understanding between them. He felt somehow he related to him in some way. Joe's first word he ever tried to say was 'Nick'. I mean, of course he could not actually say it yet, but he was going around the house going 'Nih, Nih, Nih!', trying to pronounce his name..." She laughed.

She and Dave were also there in the last 12 months or his life and they remember the last 6 months well. Nick's father used to call them if they would come over when Nick was in one of his 'states'. If they would please come over and talk to him? Rodney obviouly hoped they could make him feel better. And sometimes they did. Nick would also sometimes be over at their place.

She went over to Far Leys on numerous occasions. She describes there were moments when they would just sit in silence. "Because he wouldn't speak and it just didn't feel right to try to make civil conversation you know. I mean, what use would that have been?" But there were also nights when they would talk for hours on end. "When Nick opened up and the conversation has started, he could keep going..." She remembers coming home at 4 in the middle of the night.

She heard the news about his death through the doctor who told her. She had just recently heard about the death of another friend, so this was a double hit for for. This other friend had commited suicide. About Nick she's not sure. "With this other friend, he shot himself, I mean, that is an obvious suicide to me, but with Nick... I just don't know."

She also stated that she was in London when he was there. But they had their own lifes there. Abut the drugs, she said; "Everybody was smoking pot, popping pills, trying out LSD or other things. I don't know about Nick. Surely he has tried, we all did..." But whether his later state was by any chance drugrelated or just due to the anti-depressants, she does not know. "I'm not even sure I saw him smoke at all in that last period..."

About the fans and the increasing fame she says that Nick would have been horrified about the 'cult' growing around him. But he would have been happy about the honest fans, to whom his music means much and has made a difference to them in their lifes. "Nick would have liked that..."

She remembers him fondly, that much is obvious. She is serious when she speaks about him in his later state. "I don't know if Nick ever would have got out of this, whether he ever would have got better."
After having a breakdownherself, she says she understands even better. "I do now anyway, back then I didn't know that much about it, I would have probably handled it better now."
I think she did fine. At least she was there for him. It's nice to know somebody cared that much. She still does.
She smiles when she remembers the good times, her eyes smile along. "We had fun..."

When back in the car she remembers the school and we find out I didn't have the right school in mind. Somebody had misinformed me. "Have you still got time? I can show you. Oh, I'm sorry! I thought you knew!"
So did I & I didn't have time, I'd be flying home in about two hours and my suitcase still lying open on the bed in a different village. But we went anyway.

When we arrived at the school everything went really fast. "We used to play beneath that tree." Out of the car; "Snap!" Picture. 'Arden House' to the right; "snap!" Picture. Back in the car. Quickly turning the car around, just barely scraping past some bushes. "That's Hurst House, our old school, but it's a house now. I know the woman who lives there. We'd better not disturb here, for she just became a widow. But if you walk just a bit up the driveway you can quickly make a picture!" Out of the car. "Snap!"Picture. Back in the car and we were off again.

The Tree	Beneath The Tree	The playground
Total View; A mixture of 3 pictures	Arden House behind some trees	Leftside of Hursthouse
Hursthouse front (1)	Hursthousefront (2)	Total View; A mixture of 2 pictures

 

While being there she let herself go a bit, clearly indulging into memories. It may all have been just 5 or 10 minutes, but for a moment I felt a glimpse of how it could have been back then when being teenagers. I felt the adrenaline and the tension of doing something that felt like a bit of mischief. Two youngsters sneaking around a place where they maybe should not have been. What does age matter? She felt like an ever so young and lively presence next to me; I don't think she'll ever truly change, something inside of her will always stay the same. Something is still filled with whirling memories, warm ones, some sad ones, but there's still that sensitive, loving feeling one can have for someone one cares about & it's illuminating. That something surely is her soul.